“I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till I drop”
I don’t quote Jack Kerouac lightly, like one would Abraham Lincoln or Mother Teresa.
It’s safe to quote good people—people who made the world better.
Jack was not really one of those.
Still, there are parts of his words that will always hold me—lost, mad, and drunk though he was.
This liking of too many things, I know that one the best.
It feels like many people can focus their passion on a few things and achieve excellence—the musicians, the painters, the physics majors, the athletes, the quilters, the bakers, the DIY renaissance women, the writers,
the encouragers, the exhorters, the teachers, the prophets, and the servants.
Then there are us who spread ourselves thin, trying to touch and feel everything, and end up tasting much, but mastering little.
Most of my girlhood I wildly pursued one new interest after another.
I was often the first to start a new hobby. My friends would catch the excitement and eventually join. I was always the first to drop it for something else. Everyone else would be still carefully perfecting whatever accomplishment it was, while I was already off, jumping onto another unknown world, with many half mastered skills hanging on for dear life.
Now that I’m older I’ve often longingly wished I had one thing I was really good at instead of this long list of things I’ve thoroughly enjoyed but never fully mastered.
But it was always like that, me forever chasing new things.
Wanting to try everything. Wanting to be everything. Wanting to go everywhere.
Not ever wanting to get stuck in any box ever, ever, ever, please Lord.
With no neat package on life and with my ragged, often doubt-filled faith being stretched and prodded by my ever seeking mind.
I love so many things in life. I love so much of the gospel. Yet I have
so little nothing that is mastered or that flows prettily.
I feel Jack’s confusion.
So there is no completion. Not even on the unfinished scrapbook from grade 10. Only a thousand falling stars with me reaching out to touch them all.
Is that okay?
What does that give you to offer?
I haven’t figured that out yet.
Yeah, it’s okay. Because if I’m not mistaaken, you are an exhorter (am I right?) and exhorters are really good at starting new things and getting others enthused and motivated and excited about it… and then they let move onto something else and let others finish it. But it’s okay, because some people in the rest of the world need motivation.
am I? I don’t know. Studying spiritual gifts was another thing I left half researched 🙂
Mary Horst said:
Is it okay? Well, let’s hope so ’cause I’m still like that – too many interests and too many unfinished projects and “maybe when I’m retired I can do that” plans. Some are having to fall off my list. Is it okay – well I don’t suppose it’s bad unless God’s purpose for your life is not being heeded. At least it makes one an interesing conversationalist!
Emily Smucker said:
IS IT OKAY??? Esta, the very fact that you love everything is what makes you SO BEAUTIFUL.
To be perfectly honest I would be much more inclined to ask, “are the athletes and artists and bakers okay?” Because I imagine that they never have time to sip tea and teach themselves to play jacks while getting up every so often to poke around in wood stove. Then I feel sorry for them.
Mary– That is encouraging. Maybe even if it follows me all through my life it will be okay
Emily– Thankyouthankyouthankyou. You are just plain out nice, you know.
Yes! It is ok. Those who don’t have many interests lead such boring lives. I feel as though I have never finish a project: jumping from one thing to the next and back again. I know a little about a lot of subjects. But I can relate to so many more people this way; I have touched, and felt, and begun to know their world. I don’t think I could change it if I wanted to. Keep being who you are, like Emily said, that’s what makes you beautiful.
HAHA i love what Emily said. And the fact that this is how you are, is completely the beauty of you!!!! I am right with you on pretty much all of this post…sometimes it feels like I never finish anything I start, and then there are these people that are absolute masters at everything and I wonder if I’m okay. LOL. Good to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way!!!
Lynora– I love how you put that in perspective. Being able to relate to people is one of the most important things, yes, yes.
Beth– YEAH! 🙂 You are so VERY okay. More like one of the most enjoyable person to be around. Glad you can identify with this too.
May I print this?? Cause you just described me to a ‘T’
Yes. I would be honored.