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Esta Doutrich

Esta Doutrich

Category Archives: free verse

Aside

The thing of it is

12 Friday Apr 2013

Posted by Esta in free verse

≈ 2 Comments

The thing of it is,

it was never supposed to happen.

Things that hopeless never do.

It was never supposed to happen,

because it never could.

We left too much mess for human hands to ever repair.

 

But the thing of it is,

what never can happen sometimes does,

in the upside down way that the gospel has.

 

And we would have never chose the road

ever, ever, ever, ever, ever

but it was ours, hand-picked by Jesus,

more painful and messy, when no one thought

redemption was growing in the dim comers.

 

And I learned to stop telling those lies

and you found grace to be a living thing

and we both found Jesus in the dark,

after we broke each other’s hearts that year,

and realized He was all the mattered.

 

It was him that changed us.

 

Him that pulled my car into that warehouse two years later.

Him that told you to come back and repair the impossible.

Him that kept everything from blowing to pieces.

Him that brought healing in dark places.

Him that whispered direction at every dead end.

Him that held everything for 10 months of sorting through pieces.

Him that kept us from walking away, when both of us wanted to.

Him that gave you the heart to write over seventy letters

to a girl who didn’t ever write you back.

 

He’s the one who gave you the endurance to stay.

He’s the one who told me to just trust.

He’s the one who came through every time.

 

And He’s the one who smiled

as we sat in that counsellors office

and you offered everything

and nothing but “but blood, toil, tears and sweat”

and I fell in love with you all over again.

 

The thing of it is,

it was never supposed to happen.

But it did.

He did.

And we happened.

Friendship

15 Sunday Jan 2012

Posted by Esta in free verse, friends

≈ 7 Comments

If this is sharing
then I know why they teach it in kindergarten.
Which makes sense, really,
cause we’re just in preschool
you and I.
We still walk wobbly
and the blocks are stacked
slow, one at a time, because our hands
still have a lot of growing up to do.
The tower leans a little,
each new cube making it sway.
We lift our sticky fingers to our mouths,
eyes big,
bracing
for
the
tumble.
Isn’t that how it is? Friendship?
Standing side by side,
each adding wooden blocks,
taking turns.
It’s like we’re five again
learning to color together and share
our crayons.

Two blocks

13 Tuesday Dec 2011

Posted by Esta in free verse

≈ 9 Comments

Jesus—
you and I,
sometimes we miss each other,
two blocks apart, heading north and south.
More likely, I miss you,
half on purpose, afraid you won’t show up,
leaving me in a corner café alone.
Still more afraid you will come,
God himself,
and sit across from me,
stale muffin crumbs scattered across the table.

Only, that is frightful honesty.
All the rest of the week
I think it’s accidental, you and I,
missing each other
two blocks apart.

I'm Esta

/Canadian nurse living in Oregon/ Occasionally I write about depression, womanhood, faith, and other super abstract ideas, while trying not to take myself too seriously.

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