I am not a warm beach person.

I’m not a sun tanning, flip-flops with a cup of iced lemonade, fun in the sun, let’s just have a party here and play beach volley ball for the rest of the day type of person.

I’m a cold beach person.

I like my life the best when the icy spray whips a bit hard on the cheeks and you have to pull on a sweater and wear sturdy shoes because the rocks are sharp.

It is then I feel the most alive.

I like my ocean mixed with a little wildness. Actually, a lot of wildness.

And I like my life the exact same way.

I never want to get to the place were my biggest worry is what I’m going to make for Sunday potluck or if the scrapbook party I planned on Thursday is too much on the schedule, you know, with prayer meeting and getting spring cleaning done.

I never want my life to be totally comfortable.

I want more. I want more like the gospel is more of men in ragged clothes than starched collars and more of camels going through needles than systematic theology.

I want wind that is bigger than little me and great blue waves that I can barely stand up against and grey mist that reminds me I can’t do life on my own and sharp rocks that show where I am walking is where most people decided to take the detour.

It is then when I feel most alive.

I want to live a cold ocean life wherever I am. 

Yes, the 2000 dollar car repair bill bites the cheeks and the lack of sleep whips at the body and the cold, the real winter cold, is finally making my teeth chatter when I step outside. Yes, I feel like I am very little and very underqualified for almost everything I am doing.

30 hours of being a bona fide prison guard in one weekend is a little new for a 21-year old menno chick.

 Running around all week straddling nurse, medical driver, receptionist, babysitter, and wood-chopper leaves aching, swollen feet by friday night.

And I have another 12 hour night shift just starting. This time as a security guard at the clinic.

But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I am standing in a wild ocean life because it is then I feel the most alive.

What makes you feel more alive than anything else?