It has been brought to my attention, as they say, that some may assume that Esta is having a life crisis, due to the last post.
Can I clear that up?
(Also) I have canoeing fever at the moment.
“Freak out” in my world does not equal depressed, despairing, sad, or horribly traumatized.
I can trot merrily through life, and have sporadic moments of “AH!!!!”, without life function being drastically altered.
Actually, it’s fairly common for me. As the eldest brother always reminds me,
“You just gotta feeeel, Esta. Like seriously, chill.”
I am placid about as often as Justin Beiber rips apart a wild bear with his hands.
As much as I try to “just chill”, still I blaze awkwardly through life, spinning emotions like disco lights, looking like I’m always teetering on the edge of drama rapid.
So what may look like white water to you is just a kiddy pool that Esta dips her toes in when she gets overheated.
And so, really, I’m fine, happy, alive, and kicking.
Surrender is hard, like learning the J stroke was hard—in that every time I paddle I have to remember how it feels. And it can be frustrating, because you learned this already.
I will keep trying, possibly getting soaked in the process, but who cares since I always end up with water in my canoe anyways.
And so life will hum, oh-la-de-dallying along, even if Esta is wrinkling her nose a little at her silly self.
I just ate way to many little Japanese candies while writing this post.
And I have no idea how disco lights got in there or Justin Beiber for that matter.
Does that help?